Never have I been sure of where "my place" is in society. What my job will be. Who I may meet. What kind of affect my presence in this world will have on other human beings. If any. On animals. On plants.
I was uncertain, and put one foot in front of the other...
College changed my thoughts of my desires measurably. From science to art, I found myself conflicted yet full of conviction. What did I want? Did it matter? I needed simply to finish.
Through uncertainty, I made choices.
Graduation came, and my only desire was to live on my own in the city I knew, yet was unacquainted with the reality of city-life. I moved with a light heart and an open mind. I chose to go left, rather than right. Chose to eat cheesy pasta. To dance until the wee hours of dawn when even the city sleeps. To nap on my lunch break. To see the good in every man. To not have a car. Someday, I would find my calling. For now, I had my city.
Through uncertainty, I searched for things to feel better.
Finally finding a career, I settled into routine. Over time, realizing a feeling that I has set upon an aimless path. A growing sense of panic within my chest. I chose to move. Find a better home. Go for a promotion. Get a new computer.
Feeling lost, I searched for clarity.
I sought mentors. Joined groups. I sang, chanted, did deep, personal work. Hired a coach. I found myself writing. Finally followed my heart and started a blog. I yearned for connection.
Now, seeking myself, the path is clearing.
I spend less time with social media. I shop less. I practice yoga. Cook delicious, colorful, healthy meals for myself. I practice gratitude. I am happier, lighter, and finally feel a connection.
Seeking that which is outside for comfort and happiness, only draws us further from our true selves. When we look within, we come to know happiness.
I continue on, uncertain of my direction, and finally sure of myself.
May each of you find your heart this day, and share a little more joy with yourself and with all those you touch.
with love and light, ~Alaina
(Inspired by The Daily Post Writing Prompt - Build your own)