Honesty: The Truth About Being Truthful With Yourself
Have you ever found yourself avoiding the activities you once loved?
Have you been in a place of constant learning and pursuing eight different new passions all at once?
And when you finally achieve your 200 RYT yoga certification, become a Reiki Practitioner, and finish your contracted time working with a business coach to set up your Reiki & Coaching practice - You find you're ready to launch (once you have your logo), have copy and marketing packages planned (yet your website doesn't exist), business license acquired and bank accounts are set up, and you're talking with all of your friends and family about starting this business you love - and yet...
You can't get yourself to start.
Oh, no wait, this is no random example - this is about me. Yes, this is the story of the last seven months of my life. I found myself shoulder-deep, hands tied to my sides, unable to move forward with this business I thought I wanted - no, needed - to start.
I was exhausted, frustrated, and tired of putting all of my time and effort into this thing that was not exciting to me.
Don't get me wrong - I love yoga. And I think Reiki is amazing, and I am so grateful to have learned how to properly use this gift I was born with of healing with my hands, yet... something was missing.
So one day, shortly after moving in to my (new) apartment, I was trying to set it up in such a way that would allow me to accommodate clients with comfortable seating and a place to set up the Reiki table, when a random thought crossed my mind, and caught me totally off-guard:
What I really want is a space where I can sit comfortably and eat a meal. What would that look like?
Which lead me to start thinking some more about why I was setting up my space for other people... And then: what would it feel like to let go of starting my Reiki business? I was well aware that I had been self-sabotaging any real chance of getting it off the ground (by not doing anything to move forward with getting clients), and as soon as I allowed myself to explore the idea, I felt my shoulders relax away from my ears, weight leaving my mind as it became less frantic and the whirling slowed. I could breathe again. In that moment, I decided:
I will allow myself the freedom to choose to let go of starting this business.
It took seven months, a few large investments, and a very deep breath to finally realize: If I was being honest with myself: I did not want to start this practice. I felt like I was pretending to be someone I am not, slipping into a skin that was not mine, and putting on a happy face to show that I really wanted to move in the direction of having a Reiki practice. And in letting go, I was finally free to actually be Me.
Slowly, in the places where I felt drained of all energy before, I now feel a sense of creativity coming back into my life. When I moved in January, I was informed tenants can paint their apartment, and I have completely indulged in painting - walls, trim, ALL rooms (before and after soon to come!). It has turned into a huge (really ginormous - going on three weeks here, folks) task, yet it is making me incredibly happy. I have never felt more at home.
The past few weeks, settling in to this new place (mind freedom and space freedom), I have finally been able to get back into running - and the joy that comes with the expending energy moving solely by my own feet through the air and around this fair city reminds me how much I need to make time for this self-care.
Somehow, I manage to surprise myself again - Letting go of the routine of the run, after recognizing its importance in my life, and in returning re-remembering how much this daily ritual of moving meditation brings a lightness to my work, and keeps a smile on my face.
I am a better person when I care for myself. (Isn't that what we are taught?) When on an airplane, you are instructed to put the mask over your own face, and then take care of others near to you. Why is it so hard to commit to self-care, when even our society is letting us know that it is vitally important?
Today, I am re-committing (after re-remembering) to myself and my word of intention for the year: "Health". Food, exercise, and rest. To be the best me, so I can be a better person for all my friends, family, coworkers (and myself!) to be around.
I would love for you to share your realization and commitment story:
Is there something that you have devoted yourself to that is draining your energy? What can you choose to do right now to relieve stress and feel more in alignment with your own intentions?
On that note (of self-care), I am off to bed!
May health and happiness be with you all - Goodnight! ~Alaina